


A lover of rain

by hyoseumi



Category: NCT (Band), Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: 2yu, Alternate Universe - Normal Life, M/M, Slice of Life, i deleted this without wanting to, i don't remember the tags i'm so madddd, momoka nakamoto also appears (sometimes), wooseok is half japanese half korean, yu2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-03-21 20:30:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13748691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyoseumi/pseuds/hyoseumi
Summary: Yuta Nakamoto: 28 years.Works in a kindergarten and lives a normal life except for a thing that keeps following him: he dreams abit too much.Yuto Adachi: 25 years.Psychologist that just ended the career, he's calm and aloverof sake. Will tell you what your zodiac says about you.





	1. Running(outside)anywhere

**Author's Note:**

> i deleted it noooooooOOo so i'm gonna upload two chapters in a row i'm so sorry for the comments and all of that ;A;

Days were always too long, tiring, _anodyne_. Life was too monotonous once you had everything solved in your life: work, food for the whole month, friendships, etc. Of course, nobody would change jobs because if. Of course, food was always the same. Friends? Meeting new people was never easy and you could rarely count on people who hadn’t shown you that they would be there for you at hard times.

Yuta Nakamoto was bored of living and, sometimes, he really wanted to give up on everything. Not because he was an exceptionally pessimistic person, but there simply wasn’t a single exciting thing about anything.

 

He woke up really exalted that morning. Another one of so many dreams that he didn’t remember, but deep inside he knew that it had been something really bad. He wiped the sweat and pulled the curtains of his bedroom window. It hadn’t even dawned yet. He dressed up with the same jeans two days ago and a shirt in which you could read the word _SUPER!_ , because he had decided to take the day with a smile, as he always did.

The thing was Yuta worked in a kindergarten. Surrounded by loud and whimsical children from three to six years old. For him, it was difficult to go to his job with a bad face, because more than once some of his pupils had started crying because the teacher seemed sad.

However, Yuta never wanted to work in such a place. He would like to have been a football player, actor, singer; simply famous would have been enought. His parents had left that heritage to him and his sister Momoka because both were too old to take care of the kids anymore.

 

He had a quick breakfast and put a new bowl of food for his beloved maltese puppy named Hachi.

"When you grow up you will be a pretty little lady," he said to her, caressing her ears and giving her a kiss on the head before leaving the apartment where he lived, heading to the kindergarten.

 

Yuta was the owner of a precious bike that his parents gifted him two Christmas ago, it was white and it has a golden seat. It was one of his most precious goods, since he didn’t have too many expensive things.

He opened the padlock that was placed around one of the wheels and he mounted it, keeping the padlock in the bag that he carried on his shoulders.

 

Nagano was a beautiful and quiet city, no doubt about that. The houses were small and the mountains very tall, the trees were leafy and covered with snow that hadn’t melted yet. He didn’t even wonder why his parents moved to such a place being so young, since Osaka —the city where he was born, was much more popular than Nagano.

The people, the hustle, the stress... It could kill anyone, Yuta thought.

 

He arrived at the kindergarten at approximately 7’30 in the morning: perfect time to fix the shelves full of colouring books, pile up the toys in a corner and look for his sister to smoke a cigarette before starting with the routine.

Yuta was not an extremely smoker, in fact, he had started smoking quite recently. He only did it occasionally, maybe he smoked a pack of cigarettes in a month or two, nothing to exaggerate. Momoka had convinced him and he had been carried away just by having something new in his life.

 

After the short break before starting to work, he went to the bathroom to wash his hands and trim his hair a little. He pulled a face when he saw how dark his bags were, more than usual. It wasn’t weird if you kept in mind that Yuta used to sleep for five hours or so. ‘Adult life’ they called it with laughter. What a shit.

 

“Good morning to all!” He waved at the kids coming inside the classroom, greeting their mothers also.

 

The damn snoops who always asked him things like why he didn’t have a girlfriend, how long he would wait to get married, if he wanted children. Gossips, like if they care what he did with his life? Yuta knew perfectly how attractive he was and how easy it was to get a girl these days. Yuta knew very well how needy some people were for the love and affection of others, that there were people who couldn’t even be alone for too long. It wasn’t his case.

 

“How are my babies today?” with a smile on their faces, his pupils raised their hands in euphoria. How much energy to be 8’30 in the morning. "Today we will revise the vowels, what do you think?" None of them made too much noise after the news, making the teacher laugh.

Despite being a little grouch at times, Yuta loved each and every one of his students.

 

The class didn’t last long as it soon became noon. It was Momoka’s turn, who kept an eye on the children while they were at recess and then give them gymnastic classes. The yard was wide enough for all the little ones to play at ease, they even had a sandbox and a slide, things that were more typical of a park. In those moments, Yuta usually took the opportunity to eat, thing he used to do quite quickly. He stayed in the yard and watched what his older sister's teaching methods were.

However, she seemed to have the same problem every day with a somewhat special student.

 

“I don’t want!” The boy yelled, standing there with folded arms and pushing down while Momoka pulled him by the collar of his shirt. “I don’t like playing football!”

 

It was Yuki, son of Akari Adachi, one of the few mothers Yuta didn’t consider a bother. Nevertheless, his son was a little bit of a nuisance, truth be told.

 

“What’s the matter with Yuki-chan?” Yuta went over a bit to poke around what the topic was, squatting down so he could face the kid.

 

“I want to sleep!” Yuki ran and got hooked on the teacher's neck, pouting with his cheeks and frowning even more.

 

Yuki was so cute to Yuta he was unable to scold him, but he must.

 

“Yuki-chan, you have to play with your friends,” the teacher separated a bit, stretching that plump cheeks Yuki had. “Or else I'll call mom to pick you up and you won’t stay with me any longer," he malevolently smiled, scaring Yuki a little, just enough for him to nod and move away from him.

 

A little later it was nap time, reason why Yuki had calmed down. The rest of the day flew by, Yuta barely saw Akari pick up her son from the kindergarten. Since he had to watch out for too many mothers and children and, above all, the incredible noise they made. And is that the kindergarten of the Nakamoto family was well known in the central area of Nagano because they had been teaching for years now.

 

 

Yuta had finished the workday just as tired as ever, since he dragged that feeling from the early morning. His dreams and nightmares never allowed him to sleep more than a few hours so he couldn’t rest properly. Yuta was already accustomed, why deny it: that kind of inexplicable disorder haunted him since he was five years old. He had taken all kinds of medication to sleep and ‘nothing healed him’, that's what the doctors told him. Neurologists, psychologists, even GP doctors… No one had ever given him any solution. And it’s because they used to say that those who thought; dreamt.

Thus, the day was over and now the afternoon was coming. Afternoon in which he probably would be stuck to the computer screen or taking Hachi for a walk. Nothing out of the ordinary, there was never anything out of the ordinary.

Tomorrow will be another day just as monotonous and boring as today.


	2. Where_is_my_mind.mp3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wELL, i'm posting the second chapter tho i was gonna upload it on thursday? but i deleted all the fanfic lolol... anyway i don't know that much about psychologists so sorry if i'm wrong! this is about yuto's cameo, please enjoy!

_‘Never give up, whatever it happens, keep looking forward’_ , his father always resembled that thought. He always inspired him, made him company at his moments of weakness and he was the one who had taught him to be himself. Life was not easier when you had a figure that inspired you and gave you strength, but it became a little more enjoyable.

 

Yuto looked at the wrist watch he had bought a month ago, he got the first query at eleven o'clock in the morning. Despite having to get up early every day, the sheets still stuck, the truth is that he had always been kind of sleepy. And sleeping wasn’t something you could afford in adult life, where work and other occupations were always the priority.

 

It had been less than a year since he finished the psychology career. Despite having set up a consulting room with his career mates, he was still studying for a master's degree because he didn’t like to stop learning. He was specializing in social psychology because he was passionate about it. However, more than one career mate had laughed at him for wanted to study something so 'simple'.

Yuto wasn’t offended at all, social psychology was the most popular these days and what more applications had in the workplace. The person-to-person treatment was what he liked the most. Explore, rummage inside someone. He really loved his job.

 

The morning quickly passed away, but sometimes he concentrated a lot on treating his patients and it was difficult to pay attention to everything. Lately he had been elsewhere, as if he didn’t have his feet on the ground.

Sometimes he let his mind fly in such a way that he remembered many previous situations and feelings. He wondered why none of the only two relationships he had in the past had gone well. He wondered why his father died while he was still so young. He wondered if he could have done something to solve each and every one of his problems back then. But he was still too young, it was also something he thought about. Twenty-five years and he had already lived many things that other older people probably wouldn’t have lived. How premature was his past self.

 

He looked at his phone at the end of the workday and saw four messages from one of his best friends: Wooseok. He sighed, today he didn’t feel like driving so he had taken the subway to work and now he would have to take it to go to eat with that annoying guy.

He knew Wooseok from high school and the truth is that he felt very grateful to have a friend who wasn’t a psychologist like everyone else. He was younger than him, but that wasn’t a problem to him when he was applying for jobs, so he got a pretty decent position in one of the most famous coffee shops in Nagano: Patisserie Heigoro Honten.

 

Yuto loved that place not only because of the delicious coffees and cakes, but also because they offered a very wide range of dishes. He was a lover of that beef stew Wooseok cooked.

 

He walked to the nearest subway station, taking the first train that passed and sitting in one of the seats, next to an old lady. He pulled the phone out of his beige trench coat inside pocket and set out to do what he did every day: take a look at the horoscope. 'The moment of love and sentimental relationships for Aquarius is approaching, this sign may find its ideal partner. Aquarius will increase their seduction capacity and be able to take certain risks’, a little random prediction, he thought.

 

Yuto believed enough in the zodiac, why deny it? Although it also seemed quite dangerous, he had allowed himself to unconsciously be led by what a website told him and that had once held him back from taking key decisions. Something a little counterproductive to be a psychologist, right?

He smiled, remembering his friends. It was normal among psychologists, talking back to the irony and prejudice that society had about people who decided to go to therapy. Going to a psychologist was for crazy people, but all the psychologists were lunatics indeed.

 

He soon arrived at the restaurant where Wooseok worked, who was at the door waiting for him, immersed in the mobile screen meanwhile.

 

“You are gonna get dumb,” Yuto greeted his best friend, giving him a small pat on his shoulder. “Well, dumber than you already are."

 

“I thought you wouldn’t come, as you were being so dull…” Wooseok made a strange yet funny face, giving him a smile after. “Let's go inside, I've been awake since six in the morning and I'm really hungry.”

 

They both enjoyed the meal that Wooseok had prepared for two: miso soup, salad, beef stew, a coffee and a freshly-made lemon cream cake as dessert.

They had pig out in a very short time, especially Wooseok, who was used to eating fast because of his job. Yuto, however, was exactly the opposite.

 

“You’re being weird,” the younger commented, brushing his coal-black hair with one hand while sipping his American. “And it's weird you're being weird, something happened?”

 

“No, nothing. You know… I usually be thinking,” Yuto arched both eyebrows down, taking some cake with his fork and eating it with amazing parsimony. “And I know what you’re going to say, keep it, it happened long time ago. I just get like this sometimes.”

 

“Mhn, it’s okay, Mr. Adachi,” said Wooseok between giggles. “We can go out today, at night. I will be out at four in the afternoon so I’ll send you a message later. You can’t say no.”

 

Yuto couldn’t help but smile at the invitation and especially at the way he just called him. Although Wooseok wasn’t completely japanese like him, he was very used to the lifestyle since he had moved with his parents when he was quite a child. His mother was Korean, that's why he had that name.

 

“I’ll pay, I recently got money," Yuto shook his head and his hands when he heard that.

 

“I’ll do it, for the inconvenience,” Wooseok thought about how polite Yuto was being. “Also I earn more money than you.”

After laughing for a while, the chatter was over since Wooseok had to go back to work. Yuto said goodbye to his friend and returned back to take the subway again, heading home.

He had another query in the afternoon, about 17’30, but apart from there he would have the rest of the day free. He thought about getting drunk with Yamano Kotobuki, that pink sake with a sweetish taste that he liked so much.

 

It was nearly seven o'clock when he was back home, lying on the couch and ready to take a nap to endure the night of party that awaited him beside Wooseok. He had the day off tomorrow, once in a while he would take one or two days a week to fix his business, buy food, pay bills and do all the household chores.

 

It was then when he received a message, followed by several more, the phone vibrating more than necessary and making him a little nervous to know who it was. He didn’t get too many messages unless these were from Wooseok or his career friends, typical thing when you had few friends.

These were several audios of his older sister Akari.

 

“I need you to go to pick up Yuki tomorrow, please!” Yuto played the following audio. “I have more work than usual in the office and I perfectly know your schedules, you can’t escape... I’m asking you as a favour! You know I've never asked for anything. Well, maybe that time I was pretty drunk I asked you to come and pick me up, but… NO, NO! This is not the case, please, brother…” The brunette wrinkled his nose. “I just need you to pick him up and take him to your home for an hour or so until I leave the office, I'll go for him so you don’t have to move your dirty ass, hehe…”

 

Yuto replied with a short message, just typing an ‘Okay, you owe me.’ He dropped his head on the couch seconds later, putting the phone in airplane mode so no one interrupted the huge nap he was going to take.

Today a great night awaited him, he deserved it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm like,, really happy with this chapter i don't know why? hope you can connect with yuto and yuta because of this fanfic, let me know if you liked it by commenting or leaving kudos! ♥


	3. /you/ who i met by chance

His head was about to explode, he felt that sensation as soon as he opened his eyes that morning. The worst of all of this? It’s that nothing healed the pain. He had taken a couple of pills after breakfast –if eating a chocolate bar is a called a proper breakfast, but it didn’t make any effect.

He looked at the clock hanging on the living room wall and it was 11 o'clock in the morning. The minutes passing _too slow_ when you had a hangover because of the previous night sake. The worst of all is that he had to prepare in less than an hour to go and pick up his nephew Yuki from the kindergarten.

He crawled from the sofa to his own room and got himself dressed in a grey straight-cut pants, combined with a black raincoat and a turtleneck sweater of the same color. You definitely had to dress well if your insides were rotten, and today he had one of those days when he was very, very fucked up.

 

Today he would take a train to get to that location his sister had sent him the previous night via message. He picked up the first one that passed away and looked at his watch, somewhat anxious since the chances of being late to the place were very high. The trip was short, about half an hour, so he decided to take out a small notebook that he kept in one of his jacket’s pockets.  

 

He looked up and observed the large amount of people who were on the train, moistening a two of his fingers to turn on the notebook’s pages. He observed and observed, he always observed and wrote down, in that notebook, he captured any curious detail a stranger could show up. A slight blink of eyes faster than normal, a fuss with the hand, the way someone brushed the hair away from their face. How they spoke, if their tone of voice was high or low, how they placed his feet or how they held their phone, whether they walked with a straight or bent back.

Each and every one of those details revealed the way of being of a person you didn’t know. And Yuto registered all of them, because he couldn’t stop exploring. The human being was too interesting to stop at some point.

 

He almost passed the bus stop, slightly stressed at the fact so many people were walking by the kindergarten’ street. Mothers, fathers, brothers, everyone seemed to meet at the door of such a famous place, or at least he had that impression. The truth is that he didn’t even know which way to go so he smoothed his bangs a couple of times and headed for the entrance, flanked by two huge orange trees. There, he was able to see his nephew Yuki with one of the teachers.

Yuto approached at a slow pace towards that woman, she had short hair and was dressed in a dark red tracksuit, combined with a white long-sleeved shirt.

 

“Hi, I’m Yuki’s uncle, Yuto,” he approached just enough to greet her, having Yuki tied up to his leg a few seconds later, holding him in his arms and smiling at the little one. “I don’t know if Akari told you I would come to pick him up…” He let out a nervous and almost inaudible laughter, watching how the woman’s face lit up.

 

“Yeah, of course! I didn’t remember! I’m Momoka Nakamoto, Yuki’s P.T. teacher,” she bowed, Yuto flexing his knees in a difficult way because he was holding his nephew. “I wanted to talk with your sister, although I guess it can’t be today… Even so, nice to meet you, Yuto-san.” Momoka placed one of her hands on her own chin, like she was thinking.

 

“Did something happened with Yuki?” Yuto asked, looking sideways at the boy, who shook his head again and again, hiding his face in his uncle’s neck.

 

“Thing is that Yuki’s behaviour had been bad for a few weeks now,” the woman paused, frowning. “Especially when it comes to my classes, he doesn’t want to exercise and he’s getting chubby like a bun,” Momoka joked, trying to pinch the little boy's belly, who shifted too much on top of his uncle, almost causing him to fall.

 

“Wow, I didn’t expect this from you, Yuki”, the brunette half-scolded his nephew, the kid making a sad face. “I’m so sorry, Nakamoto-san, I promise we’ll do something. Akari will surely punish this little boy without his favourite food or so.”

 

Yuki covered his ears not to hear anything, certainly tormented by the situation. Both adults laughed when they saw him, it was somewhat comical due to the scolding he was receiving.

 

“Momoka?” Someone called her from far, waving.

 

That person caught Yuto’s attention, who turned his head to see who it was. He didn’t know his face, normal thing since it was the first time in five years he went to pick Yuki up from the kindergarten. He was a really bad uncle, there was no doubt about it.

 

“Oh! Yu-chan, come here!” Momoka smiled at that man, taking a couple of steps to catch him by the arm.

 

His hair was light brown and slightly longer than Yuto’s, like it was made from honey. His complexion was thin but his shoulders were firm, though not too wide. He had that aura of a prince, Yuto thought, as if he was from a shōjo manga.

“Yuta, this is Yuto,” Momoka let out a chuckle while noticing the similarity between their names. “Akari’s handsome brother,” Yuto blushed when he heard such an introduction, shaking his head from side to side and putting his free hand over his mouth to hide a smile.

 

Yuta looked at him, up and down without even hiding it a bit, Yuto thought he was too shameless and a bit invasive, not knowing very well how to react. He raised one of his arms to catch Yuki better, he seemed happy to see that young man, saying his name over and over. That glance lasted two seconds, putting Yuto in a certain situation of discomfort until the shorter one smiled, bowing.

 

“I’m Yuta, nice to meet you,” he cocked his head in a natural, almost flirty way. “I am Momoka’s brother, we work together in the kindergarten. It’s a pleasure.” His voice was soft and lovely, Yuto could tell that he was the _star_ of that place, since his very presence was brilliant.

 

“Yuta,” he muttered, clearing his throat for a few seconds, somewhat embarrassed by everything he was into. “I'm so sorry you're having problems with Yuki lately, this kid is a mess.”

 

“Like all of them,” Yuta chuckled, placing his hands on both sides of his waist. “Yuki-chan only has problems with my sister, she can be a little bit rude from time to time,” he paused, rolling his eyes as if he was really thinking on what to say. “He knows he’s my favourite student.”

 

Yuto could see that this place was welcoming and warm, full of positive energy, something that was difficult to find on days like these. For a moment, he was grateful that Akari had given him the responsibility of picking up Yuki. Both Momoka and Yuta seemed very nice people, although the man had seemed somewhat sharp. Like a double-edged knife, piercing, though _shimmering_.

Yuto didn’t know why, but at the time he met that man, he knew he wouldn’t forget him. In fact, he had to know more and he would. It was that feeling you have in your chest, as if the walls were pressing inside your insides. Just before an exam or when you are on the first day of a new job.

The uncertainty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this was somehow umm, short? but i wanted to write a chapter in which they met and all of that,, orz i'm too slow with this fanfic, hope you like it anyway!! kudos and comments would make me happeh ♥


	4. ENTOURAGE

He had to escape, he had to do it. He ran, he ran without rest, without stopping for a single second, the air crowded in his lungs and went in and out with too much difficulty. His breathing was a mile a minute, surrounded, surrounded by strange beings without face, murmuring. What did they want from him? Why were they chasing him? Why did their hands reach up to his neck and try to choke him? If he was running away, he was running, but he couldn’t take it anymore.

Whatever that was, it’s like it was swallowing him, it was eating him. It was hitting him again and again, but he ran, ran until his feet couldn’t stand the pain. He didn’t want to get caught, that’s why he kept running, until he opened his eyes.

It was another one of those repetitive dreams where he was chased by thousands of things that he didn’t even remember at the time. To Yuta, it was hard to sleep, each day that passed was harder than the previous one. His body was tired, not to mention his mind, his head burnt every time he opened his eyes in the morning. He couldn’t stand it and he had tried to search for a treatment to whatever that disease was, but nothing worked. Not even the pills that the doctor once prescribed to him, it was impossible, absolutely.

It was like running in circles.

 

He got up from the bed and kicked a basket of dirty clothes that stood in his way, somehow angrier than usual. He did the habitual: take a good shower, get dressed and take Hachi for a walk so the dog could do her ministrations. It was Thursday, the week was almost over, but the days had been as long as always. Nothing had changed no matter how much he wanted to.

 

That morning it took him more effort to ‘behave’ as he used to. It was hard to smile or be nice, it was difficult to show that face to others. There was a Japanese proverb that said that each person has three faces. The first is which you show to the world, the second is which you show to your friends and family and the third is the one you never let anyone see, the faithful reflection of who you really are. Yuta believed fervently in that and felt identified to unsuspected limits.

Today he was unable to show the first face, he let off annoying gestures and words that he would never say in other situations. For another person he might be like an old fogey, but it wasn’t such a funny thing in this case. Yuta wasn’t as nice as he seemed, he wasn’t the sun that illuminated the day nor that he was the life of the party. Actually, Yuta saw himself as a monster, deep inside, he was just trying to hide it.

 

It had been two weeks since Yuto first came to the kindergarten, but he came more than once to pick Yuki up, exchanging two or three words with him. His presence was not too curious or remarkable, Yuto seemed a normal person in Yuta’s eyes. He didn’t attract attention like he did.

That day, Yuto reappeared through the big door of the kindergarten. It was a rutine day like any other, the sun shone more than normal for a winter day, even the rays warmed you when they hit your skin.

 

“Hey, it’s nice to see you again,” Yuto walked towards him as he took his nephew in his arms, pinching one of his cheeks like he usually did.

Yuta tried to smile, doing it in a more exaggerated way than usual, nodding a couple of times like he wanted to accentuate how happy he was to see him. Everything was _fake_.

 

“Same, although I’ve seen you a couple of times since the last one… Your visits are fleeting, must to say,” Yuta’s tone was, certainly, ironic. And Yuta never let the irony to mix with his good words.

 

“Could be… Akari’s always telling me to pick up Yuki so I’m usually on a hurry,” Yuto smiled, a little uncomfortable with Yuta’s way of speaking. “But we’re on time, aren’t we, Yuki?” Yuta wrinkled his nose, why was he being so nice to him? They hardly knew each other. And also in such an inopportune day like this. It was like anything could bother him. “Uh, Yuta-san…” Yuto tried to keep up the conversation, taking Yuta out of his own self-absorption. “Maybe you don’t get proper sleep?” He asked, somewhat doubtful at first, but letting the words come naturally from his lips.

 

“Why you ask me?” Yuta lifted both shoulders, as if the thing had nothing to do with him.

 

“Your dark circles…” The taller one paused, his face was serious, nothing denoted any nervousness in him. “They are darker than the last time.”

 

“Oh, it can be…” Yuta didn’t like when people noticed such details about him and he always tried to avoid the subject when it came public. “I never sleep too well, don’t know why… I’m not even stressed or something like that.” But this time, he didn’t avoid the issue and he didn’t know why.

 

“I can help you with that,” Yuto stared at him, as if he was scanning him. “I work as a psychologist.”

 

Yuta furrowed both brows, skeptic. Going to therapy? Not that he was crazy. What would solve that anyway? Not that he hadn’t tried it, and it had always seemed like a waste of time. Why would Yuto be different?

 

“Thanks, but no,” Yuta was round, leaving cordialities aside. “I don’t have much money,” pathetic excuses to pass the buck.

 

“You don’t have to pay me,” Yuto ducked a moment to leave Yuki on the floor, giving him his hand and staying quiet for a few seconds, he was really thinking on what he was about to say. “In fact, I’d just like to be of help… I know little about you, but you look like a good person.”

 

Yuta had run out of words, something that would happened approximately two or three times in his whole life –counting this one. Accepting seemed crazy.

 

However, he rummaged through the pockets of the apron he wore as part of the kindergarten uniform, finding a silver-colored pen. He slowly approached Yuto and took his hand, placing the back up and writing on it.

 

“It’s okay,” he murmured, head down like he was embarrassed. “This is my number, call me to save yours and… I guess I’ll let you know when I’ve decided it.”

 

Yuta just needed _time_. Time to know himself and not to lose his mind while sleeping. Sometimes it was difficult to distinguish reality from the world of dreams. Was he really this desperate to give his phone number to a stranger? The answer was definitely yes.

 

“I’m sorry if all of this caught you by surprise, but I’m glad,” Yuto quickly chewed his lips. “Maybe it won’t solve any problem you might have, but I want to try, little by little, I’m sure about it…”

 

Yuta frowned again, relief words had never been enough because he was tired of listening to them. Deep inside he knew that Yuto was just trying to be nice and that, probably, he would also have a face that nobody knew, like his. He knew he would probably have many problems that he wouldn’t be able to solve on his own.

After all, it was human to ask for people’s help, right? For the tenth time he would allow himself to it, letting himself fall into a stranger. For the tenth time, he would try.

 

“I’ll wait for your message,” Yuto made an attempt of smiling, but the expression on his face was still serious, even, somehow, cold. “No hurries. We will meet again, Yuta-san.”

 

Yuta nodded, waving his hand from side to side, saying goodbye to Yuki and his uncle. Yuto had left him there, with a totally unknown feeling, as if the walls of his chest were clenching his heart. As if his head was about to explode, as if he had just awakened from one of those persecutory nightmares.

 

He turned around and fiddled with his own hands, going straight to the bathroom to take off his clothes and get dressed with different ones he had brought in his bag. He went to his bicycle, which was parked on the right side of the entrance and he mounted it. Today he didn’t feel like coming home, today he just wanted to get lost among Nagano’s calm streets, see the parks full of children and the way the leaves of the trees moved at the mercy of the cold winter wind.

Today he wanted to _disappear_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm a shitty writter when it comes to multi-chaptered fics and i know that orz my chapters are sooo short?? i hope you are not getting bored of this, i try and squint really hard. thanks for reading me all the way!


	5. M·artini B·lue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this is so messy i'm starting to lose the motivation to continue with this fanfic istg  
> things of being useless i guess orz

It was noon when Yuto looked at that clock he looked every ten minutes. The day was too long when you had it free; he woke up early as usual, went out to do running for a while and he noticed it was soon to do anything else.

He was at home, checking some notes he used to take from time to time, losing himself between papers. His life never changed, it was quiet and peaceful just like him. Besides, Yuto was a man that liked to stay at home, reading some books or drinking coffee in the quietness of his cabin.

 

However, there was something that tortured Yuto and interrupted the flow of his life —though that was a tragic way to call it—. He hadn’t stopped thinking of the moment in which Yuta would call him. Sometimes he regretted being so brave about him, of having told him what he was doing for a living and breaking into his life like that. Yuto basically regretted everything he did, he had done it his whole life and he never stopped.

Even so, it was somewhat contradictory. Since Yuto usually got carried away by his instincts, he avoided thinking about the result of his actions; ‘Doing it first and worrying after’, that was his life motto.

 

He dressed up in informal clothes: a pair of gray houndstooth pants, a beige sweater and a white scarf to top off the look along with one of the trench coats he owned. He took the house keys, stopping to look at himself in the hall mirror, fixing his clothes and biting his nails while observing his reflection. He lasted about five minutes biting his nails non-stop, turning them over and over again and, finally, leaving home.

 

Where was he going? He knew it very well, but he didn’t want to admit the fact that was proper of a stalker. He didn’t have a notice about Yuta since they exchanged phone numbers, not a single message. And he had thought on opening his chat and writing, even if it was a simply ‘hello’, but he didn’t dare. Not that he was shy, but last time Yuta seemed sharper than before and he didn’t want to bother him.

 

Right now he was in the front of the kindergarten’s door, it was about one forty-three in the afternoon. He let himself disinterestedly fall on the facade of the building, playing with his phone in his hands while looking at the Instagram feed.

Soon it was two o’clock, taking the opportunity to turn around, looking for his nephew —although Yuta was the one he really wanted to see—. But he wasn’t able to find him, raising his head above several people and entering the place with no worries at all.

 

“Hey, watcha doin’?” Yuto shrugged when he heard someone calling for his attention from all people. It was Yuta.

 

“Hi,” he paused, clearing his throat a little and covering his mouth with his hand. “I came to pick up Yuki, how are you?”

Yuta burst out laughing when he heard him saying that. What was so funny?

 

“Well, he didn’t come today, _big boy_ ,” Yuto observed how he crossed his arms, looking up and down like it was the first time he saw him. “You don’t even know when is your sister’s day off? Or did you know it and came to scare the children away?”

 

“No, actually… I came to see you,” he literally regretted that two seconds after saying it, but he couldn’t go back.

Yuta arched one of his brows, almost half-smiling or doing something that looked like it.

 

“Because of what we talked about?” His voice’s tone was somewhat serious now. “Look, I… I haven’t decided it yet, it’s not easy for me.”

The taller shook his head, trying to find the right words not to irritate Yuta, although today he seemed more affable than the previous time.

 

“No, I understand, uhmm… And perhaps it’s something inopportune but…” Yuto was doubting, he couldn’t stop, not that he was going to. “I was wondering if you would like to go for a drink with me today, like… everything’s chill.”

 

Yuto was quite scared and he didn’t know why, since his life didn’t depend on what Yuta had to say. Maybe that fear was because he had never done anything like this before and new things always left you with that feeling.

 

“Sure, why not,” Yuta placed both hands in the pockets of the apron he was still wearing. “I have nothing better to do anyway… And its Friday.”

 

“Truth is I thought you would say no,” Yuto caressed his own nape, rubbing it. “Hakuba Pub, at ten? I don’t know if it’s too far for you tho…”

 

“Don’t worry ‘bout that,” Yuta dropped his head to the right. “I will be there,” he waved with one of his hand as a goodbye, turning around and leaving Yuto in the middle of the empty playground.

 

The Hakuba pub was crowded that night, although it was nothing to be dramatic about. Yuto leaned out of one of the glass windows, watching the people enjoying their drinks from outside. It was cold enough for your breath to vaporize as it left your mouth.

He waited for almost twenty minutes, which wasn’t important at all since all his friends were slow as his date. Wait, date? It wasn’t something like that, not at all. Yuta was just a person he was interested in knowing. Why was he interested? At this point it wasn’t something out of the normal, Yuto was interested in almost everyone. At least, at a certain moment in his life, since he also easily got bored of people.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He heard a voice in the distance, red nose from the cold, rubbing his hands despite wearing wool gloves.

Yuta was running to him, in his face, an expression of hurry far more exaggerated than usual. Yuto smiled when he saw him, denying with both hands to disregard the other man, and opening the bar’s door so they could refuge from the cold and humidity of Nagano.

 

“I’m sorry I am late, really,” Yuta was still trying to catch his breath. “Time was on me and there was some traffic to come here… It’s hard to ride the bike at night, believe me.”

 

“Sounds risky, Yuta-san,” Yuto was being politer than last time. “Also it’s freezing to take your bicycle, you should have used public transport.” He clarified looking from one side to another, searching for a place to sit down till he found a small table for two. “Here?”

 

Thus, they felt their bodies go warmer with the pub atmosphere since it was quite intense and overcast, fault of the amount of people there. Yuta asked for a Sapporo Black beer —which was his favorite, he had clarified— and Yuto choose an Irish coffee.

 

“So what?” It was Yuta who decided to start the conversation, although it wasn’t the best way to. “Why did you bring me here?”

 

“Huh… I don’t know?” Yuto let out a dry laugh. “I just felt like doing it. The last time we saw each other… I might be wrong, since we’ve barely spoken about anything apart from Yuki, but I felt you were different.”

 

“So we came here for you to psychoanalyze me?” Yuta was joking, but it didn’t seem like that. “Because I will need more alcohol to tell you my whole life, if that’s what you want.”

 

“No, it’s nothing like that,” the taller seemed in a hurry, avoiding to laugh of pure nervousness. “It’s interesting, the remarkable thing about your change… I felt like you were someone else.”

 

“Maybe I was,” Yuta barely raised his voice to say that, hesitantly. “I didn’t get any sleep that day and I was in a very bad mood.”

The crowd that populated the bar raised its voice in front of the television, in which they were casting a football match of the local team. Everyone drank a gulp, calling Yuta’s attention who was distracted by watching all these people celebrating the goal. He frowned, as if he didn’t like noise too much.

 

“I’m sorry to hear that, Yuta-san,” Yuto took a sip of his coffee, slightly shaking because the beverage was a little bit strong. “Do you have insomnia?”

 

“Something like that,” the shorter boy surprised himself that he had let loose so fast. That only meant that Yuto, in some way, inspired him enough confidence. “I dream too much at night, so it’s hard for me to rest adequately… In fact, I never do it at all.” He smiled sadly after saying that, cocking his head to directly avoid Yuto’s eyes, fearing he would give him a look of sorrow.

 

“It’s intriguing, I don’t know anyone who happens to that.”

 

“Knew it,” Yuta chuckled this time, soft and ephemeral as the flutter of a butterfly. “It’s something that keeps happening to me, so I try to ignore it as much as possible. It gets hard sometimes.”

 

“Can I ask you something?” Yuto stared at him, not avoiding Yuta’s eyes like the latter had done a couple of times over the course of the night. He nodded. “Do you ever remember sleeping without having any weird dream?”

Certainly, it was an interesting question —or Yuta thought so—. Nobody had asked him that way, but rather what he used to dream, trying to give a meaning to his nightmares or find a reason to his disorder. But there was no apparent reason.

 

“Hmm… When it rains,” Yuta rolled his eyes, looking at the ceiling for a moment. “The sound of the rain soothes me so much I sleep like a baby… I guess.” He laughed again, his cheeks red from the warmness of the alcohol.

 

The night went smooth after touching those somewhat tricky topics for Yuta. They both talked about trivialities, how they got to the place where they were now professionally and personally, without going too far into personal issues.

Time passed quickly, the conversation flowed without any problem. Yuto really thought that the older one was certainly a person with a strong character. Sarcasm was part of his vocabulary and he tended to be arrogant mostly all the time. He used to move fast when talking and gesticulated a lot with his hands, although he knew how to pay attention and he was good at listening.

Yuto didn’t lose a single detail of that boy he barely knew until it was around one o’clock in the morning. They said goodbye after the third drink though. Yuta was happy, delighted indeed, as if the talk had been _refreshing_. Yuto, however, had thousands of things to think about and things to write down as soon as he got home.

 

And so he did, it took almost an hour to get home but he did it. At that time, it was when he tried to sort the thoughts in his mind: tried to go through each and every one of the gestures, details, anything that portrayed Yuta like the person he was. He didn’t want to forget anything, he wanted to record even the smallest thing in his memory. He wanted to put it on the notebook pages until it was four o’clock, five o’clock, six. He wanted to study him, he wanted to know more about him, he wanted to because his curiosity was killing him; because he was feeling _attracted._

Too much, too many, far enough.


End file.
